Definition of envy according to the Merriam-Webster

: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.

The great Aristotle defined envy as pain at the sight of another’s good fortune, stirred by “those who have what we ought to have”. Bertrand Russell the great British philosopher and polymath said that “envy was one of the most potent causes of unhappiness. Not only is the envious person rendered unhappy by their envy, but that person may also wish to inflict misfortune on others to reduce their status.”

I recently read an interview titled “I Envy HIV/ AIDS Patients In Nigeria – Maureen Aisha Edward, A Sickler” and I was so moved by the title and the article that I decided to explore envy and it’s historical significance/relevance in my life.

Envy and Sickle Cell often come as a package deal thanks to our life experiences and interactions with basically anyone and everyone. Throughout my life I have envied classmates, friends, acquaintances, random people passing by on the street, athletes I see on tv playing the sports I love and will never get to play and, I’m even ashamed to say, I have envied people with other medical conditions not as serious as Sickle Cell or worse than Sickle Cell as long as they didn’t have what I have. I heard Stephen Fry say on a podcast about envy recently, and I paraphrase here, ‘envy is a slow burn that seeps into us as we sleep, envy can make you hate others or hate yourself. Envy is the outward projections of the deepest depths of our self hate, our jealousy of things we can’t attain because of whatever reason.’ That hit me hard.

The Nature of Envy is one of the more intriguing articles I have read recently and it also spurred on my curiosity about the mental health effects of envy, something all Sicklers struggle with like I mentioned earlier. “Envy can be a destructive emotion both mentally and physically. From my experience envious people tend to feel hostile, resentful, angry and irritable. Such individuals are also less likely to feel grateful about their positive traits and their circumstances. Envy is also related to depression, anxiety, the development of prejudice, and personal unhappiness.” Obviously such a negative emotion and mental state can impact physical health. And what happens when we feel stressed and overwhelmed, we get a Sickle Cell crisis.

Envy is generally considered a socially unacceptable emotion, it appears in two of the Ten Commandments of the Old Testament and is even listed as one of the seven deadly sins for gods sake. Many of us deny having these feelings both publicly and privately but we all suffer from envy occasionally.

Recently after a long discussion with a therapist, I just started seeing, about my medical history and its contribution to my sometimes overwhelming social anxiety, she hit me with this line; “You have always hidden your condition as a way of trying to project outwardly that you are the same as your peers. You have always wanted to fit in and by not accepting yourself as you truly are you will never feel like you actually fit in. You have been running away from the thing you are chasing the most.” The cogs in my brain just shut down and I was speechless for at least a minute. At the root of my social anxiety that led to repetitive self destructive behaviors like overindulging in drinking and some drugs was ENVY. I still think about this line at least 16 times a day, once every hour I am awake.

Personally I feel I have grown a lot and I am still growing, I am much much less envious than I ever used to be and I’ll never be completely rid of it as long as I have this condition. In my lowest most painful moments envy and pity will always rear their ugly heads. But I have learned different tips and tricks on how to deal with envy, some of the best ones are from that article The Nature of Envy

Dr. Richard Smith and Dr. Sun Hee Kim, from the University of Kentucky had great suggestions that were mentioned in the article. Below is their advice on how to try dismantle thoughts of envy with a variety of cognitive therapy techniques and strategies, including but not limited to:

1. Self-Reliance and Perseverance. To “perseverate” is to repeat an action over and over. In this instance, the term is used to suggest that you repeatedly examine your thoughts to determine whether they are envious. If you find that they are envious at any given moment, remind yourself of how these thoughts don’t help your life and can actually harm it. The more you can manage to catch and correct your thinking, the easier it will be to remain envy-free.
   
2. Selective Ignoring and Distraction. When you find yourself thinking envious thoughts, quickly remind yourself that the other person’s advantage isn’t important in the grand scheme of things, and then focus on other thoughts (a pleasant memory, things that need to be done, etc) or engage in another activity. By distracting yourself with another absorbing thought or activity, you can stop your envious thoughts in their tracks. 
   
3. Self-Bolstering involves reminding yourself of your own positive qualities and advantages. This strategy doesn’t seem to reduce envy itself, but can make you feel less angry and depressed in the face of your envy.

If none of these suggestions help I personally recommend and can attest to to seeking help from a trained mental health therapist.

I hope this article interests or helps you, or even if it didn’t, thank you for taking your time to read this. No one is ever alone dealing with their struggles in this world. This blog is my way of processing that and I hope others can realize this too.

Note: This is a personal blog and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.