It has been exactly a year this week since I moved back from California to Kampala abruptly and unplanned, in the midst of a global pandemic. It is something I did not even want at the time, but looking back it is something I desperately needed. In that way this pandemic served as the end to an amazing chapter and the beginning of an exciting new one. The peace of mind brought about just knowing I am a few miles away from friends and my whole family compared to the thousands of miles that separated us before is an indescribable mental weight off my shoulders.

Although it has been great being back the transition has definitely come with its own challenges. Undergoing and recovering from a hip replacement only a couple of weeks after just having come back. Having to readjust to a new (but old) environment for the 3rd time in 4 years (4th in 8 years). Having to depend on my parents again when I was so used to an independent and fairly reserved life. Getting a new job and finding a new apartment, getting used to different healthcare standards and getting used to a more active social life in a city that never sleeps even during a lockdown. Let’s just say that learning to live in Kampala at this age, in a city I have spent less than a quarter of my life living in and visiting over 30 years, is like learning to ride a bike without training wheels. Most people have to deal with regular work-life balance. People with sickle cell who work have to deal with work-life-health balance. Finding your work-life-health balance can be challenging to say the least and even more so when you have sickle shaped blood cells running through your veins causing a whole heap of additional stress, fatigue and pain.

Uganda, like many other countries, has a very career and status driven culture. The career ladder is always an ever present topic over meals at family gatherings between parents, grandparents, aunties, uncles, neighbors, friends and even those village elders you see once a year on Christmas. Since I got back I have had issues with the way terms like ‘career ladder’ are used. Mary Shaniqua addressed it better than I could in her blog post called ‘How to Cultivate a Successful Career While Living With Sickle Cell Disease’. She said “We often speak about career ladders, but I think that term is one-dimensional and linear. I prefer to liken careers to a mountain climb. Unlike climbing a ladder, climbing a mountain is not as simple as step up, step up, and so on. Instead, a mountain climb may require you to take lateral steps, or even steps backward, to eventually get to the top.”

Recently I feel like I have been making a lot of backwards and lateral steps. The unnecessary attachment of age to life goals has messed with me. The pressure of trying to stay healthy and sane while attempting to climb the “career ladder” to the point where I could consider myself financially secure and independent without having to work 10+ hours, 7 days a week is intense. I have realized that it doesn’t help that I am constantly comparing myself to my friends and colleagues like we are on a level playing field in this game of life.

I don’t want to limit my capability using my health as an excuse. I need to learn how to prioritize what is important, balance my decision-making, be able, flexible and willing to alter my long-term career plans and general expectations from life due to my sickle cell-related complications, and I have to get comfortable in knowing that it is OK to do so.

“We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to do’ list.” —Michelle Obama, former First Lady