You’re awesome they say.

So strong they say.

It’s laughable how people can say this straight faced.

You don’t know how I fear the hours coming ‘til I awake.

You don’t know what a struggle it is for me to make it through the day.

Such a fighter they say.

Tap my gloves at dawn with the sunlight.

First round begins before the bright rays pierce my shades to touch my eyes.

Well, what if I don’t want to fight?

Why should it be a constant battle to get through life?

Two left jabs and a right hook just to try to stay alive.

Maybe I can’t live up to Darwin’s theory, I’m just not fit to survive.

They say keep stirring up the gift.

You’re destined to uplift.

Do you even lift?

Strong because my soul has bench pressed my body weight in pain.

Cried so many tears, sadness drenched my life like a torrential rain.

Agony scars my very being like a bloodstain.

Riding out my dreams on the winds of change.

Work never ceases, trying to locate the keys to this life steady racking my brain.

Clinging to a thread of hope just trying to maintain.

Doing my best to try to remain sane.

Constantly praying.

Still I spiral, my aspirations fading, disappearing down a drain.

Always wondering if all my efforts are in vain.

– March 3, 2012

Excerpt from: “My Book of Tears” by Candis St. John.

I got lucky today stumbling across this amazing poet who is also a Sickler like me. Her book can be found on Amazon and Scribd as far as I’m aware.